Last Night I Had to Smash a Dude's Kneecap -- It Was Easy

Man, you think bouncing's hard? Well it is. It takes a tough man to do it. A man's man. And that's exactly what my man Mike Doe's been doing in Washington DC: cracking jokes and killing them onstage, and occasionally being a wiseass, but backing it up, of course, with solid bouncing tactics, as I taught him of so long ago.

Read on for more adventures. Or else!

Bartender for Hire...After Learning Me Some Drinks
Beer Is for Breakfast Around Here, Drink or Be Gone
The Simpsons Movie Is the Funniest Movie of All Time
Perfecting My Pour in 48 Hours...Or Less!
Pouring Rain...and Drinks...and a New Gig

Bouncing, Twitter Style, at the Double Deuce...Ain't Easy

Mike Doe is now appearing at http://twitter.com/mikedoe.

Bouncing Ain't Easy, Reason #321

People always act like big tough guys when they drink, especially the 40-year old adolescents, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry.

Dealing with them is a pain. Just ask Doc or check out my medical records if you doubt this.

Bouncing Ain't Easy...It's Quite Challenging

Ever try to throw a 400-pound man out of a bar? It ain't easy. But that's bouncing for you.

Bouncing Ain't Easy...When Your Employees Are "On the Take!"

Corrupt employees have to be eliminated from your bar or restaurant as soon as possible. They are always stealing money from the till, six shots to a bottle at least. Fire them as publicly as possible, too. This will ensure that other employees "get the message" ... and that you'll get a death threat or two, but that's the life of a bouncer, right?

It Ain't Easy Being a Cooler

...or even "cooler" than just about everyone else in recorded human history. It attracts resentment which, as any really cool cooler can tell you, is a royal pain in the keister.

Day One for Bouncing Ain't Easy

Bouncing ain't easy. Trust me, folks. Sure, there are three simple rules. But enforcing those rules is what separates the men from the boys.

More on the three rules tomorrow. Until then, never forget, BE NICE!

Until it's time not to be nice.

So sayeth Dalton.